Conversation with Robert

Conversation with Robert

My daughter Mai did not consider Robert a suitor– he was an acquaintance– so we were surprised when he made the effort to come for a visit while on leave from active duty in Iraq. Perhaps he was fascinated with her Arab-American heritage, and her firm opposition to the war. The war had started six months previously, and the sentiment of the American people hadn’t yet turned against it. 

I took the young people to brunch at a neighborhood pancake house, and we talked about the war. Robert told us he had “many stories to tell.” Mai and I sat in silent expectation, sensing his conflict in opening up to us.

“God, I hate the enemy,” he began, and fell silent.

“Who is the enemy?” I finally asked.

“Iraqis!” Robert answered, as if he were telling me something I should have known.

We sat at a table surrounded by other tables with children and overweight adults, retired couples and laborers. Loud voices praised ball games and the unseasonably good weather. Soft voices discussed the church agenda, and the declining health of the grandparents. The aromas of pancakes, omelets and coffee settled over the table, and the awkward moment dissipated when I offered Robert the milk and sugar.

“But isn’t it possible that the Iraqi soldier is just like you?” I asked. “He has parents, siblings, or a spouse and children? He is loved, just like you?”

“There’s no room for that kind of thinking in combat.”

“I know, ” I said.

“Tell us one of your stories!” Mai broke in. The corners of his mouth drooped a little, and his eyes widened. He sight seemed to reverse, looking into the mind that was now infected with war visions like viruses inserted into  his soul.

“I’ll never forget looking down the barrel of my weapon and seeing an eye looking back at me. Everything around me was dark; it was night, and time stood still. It was just me and him. You’d be amazed at what goes through your mind.”

“What goes through your mind?” Mai and I asked together.

“Lots of stuff.”

“Like what?”

“A few seconds seem like an hour.”

“What did you do?”

“I squeezed the trigger, and on that particular weapon the mechanism moves slow and smooth, to keep the barrel steady and not miss the target.”

“And what was your reaction when you realized you were still alive?”

“Run.” That’s all he said. We waited, but he seemed to be finished with that story.

“Did you ever think about writing down some of your experiences?” I asked, when I saw the tears about to spill from his eyes, but he wasn’t finished talking about combat.

“I’ve shot at lots of….things,” he said, hesitating at the word, avoiding it as he had avoided the word “gun”. He had to do what he had to do, whether he wanted to or not, and he adjusted his attitude to accept what he had to do. Would I would have done the same? How can you kill someone’s son, brother, husband, father? How can you determine whether your target is thinking the same way, or whether you are but a “thing” to him as he squeezes the trigger on his own weapon? The instinct to self-preservation crashes against the generic moral imperative that even an enemy learns in childhood: Love your neighbor as yourself.

A week after our pancake brunch, Robert returned to Iraq. Eight months after that, I asked my daughter, “Have you heard from Robert lately ? Is he still in Iraq?”

“Oh, no, Mom. He wrote me a few weeks ago from St. Louis. He didn’t re-enlist. He’s joining the priesthood! Can you imagine that!”

I could imagine that.

Several more years passed, and my daughter married an Iraqi whose family left Iraq as the soldiers entered it. Now we listen to his stories.


1Fest Flowers, 2008 012

About Marahm

At first glance, I may appear to be a middle-aged American woman with kids, grandkids, retired from a job in a hospital, gratefully relieved from the responsibilities that come with all of that. Behind the image, which is true enough, I am fairly unhinged from much of American mainstream living, having spent twelve years in Saudi Arabia, years that sprung me from societal and familial impositions, and narrow bands of truth. I have learned to embrace my identity as a seeker, an artist, and a writer. I study Arabic and Italian language, because I love them, and I love their people. I still dream of spending more time in the Middle East and Italy, though the dreaming now seems more real than the possibilities. I am a photographer. I write, and sometimes publish, flash memoir, and now a blog or two.
This entry was posted in Family, Life, Memoir, Politics and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Conversation with Robert

  1. ALL MUSLIMAH says:

    AmericanMuslimaWriter: SubhanAllah its sad yet amazing to see both sides of the same story.
    It’s hard to know if put in that kind of situation what a pewrson will do. Most women would have a harder time dealing with these issues Yet of course there are female military fighters.

    Natural Instincts and self preservation DO play a big part subhanAllah you’re soo right. I’ll blog about this experience of mine and link you.

    I’m glad that your daughter has a chance to understand both sides of the conflict. Though I hope her and her family are alright.

    Assalamu Alikum dear Sister in Islam!
    You’ve been added to ALL MUSLIMAH database of Muslimah Sister’s blogs!
    Please come and choose what category you’d like your blog name to appear under.
    If the category isn’t there, suggest one!
    If you’ve been placed in the wrong category by mistake please let me know immediately  Be sure to add the “I support ALL MUSLIMAH blogs” icon to your blog so others can find you. Thank you for having a blog!

  2. susanne430 says:

    What a thoughtful conversation. When one thinks of the “thing” on the other side of your gun as a human being loved by others, it DOES really soften your heart. Thank you for sharing this.

  3. iMuslim says:

    Amazing post, sis… masha’Allah. A happier ending for Robert. May God continue to guide him.

  4. Glennis says:


  5. Marahm says:

    Thank you for your comments. My daughter and her new family are all together and living comfortably in the US.

    We assume Robert followed through with his decision to join the priesthood, though of course we will never know. May Allah guide us all.

    Though this post has a time and a place, I believe its message is applicable to all peoples in conflict. It’s another way of saying that we are all of the same human family, and share more than we imagine.

  6. Aafke says:

    A very good story showing us we are all humans and somebodies child. It also illustrates how these conflicts can also destroy the people send into it,even if they coma back alive…
    It really gives your pause to think.
    I agree, the message is far all times, and we all share so much. But that is what warmongers like to hide first, our Communality. You can see it here too ion our blogs, you can see how some will insist on fundamental differences and superiorities which are purely man-made.

  7. That was a really great story, Marahm. When you put it into perspective, like we are, after all, just people, with hope and dreams and parents and kids, like everyone else – it gives us all something to step back and think about. Thanks for sharing – you are a master story teller.

    2 more things: 1. I LOVE your pixel paintings – they are awesome! 2. Please don’t use that small font again! I had to copy and paste into Word and then change the font so I could read it!!!

  8. Hning says:

    FYI, your post inspired me to write Lunch in April. That’s the second time you did that to me, Madam.

    Good writers are people who inspire others, so I’m thankful for your inspiring magic and wisdom.


  9. Marahm says:

    Hning, your comment touches my heart, and I thank you for it.

    Indeed, good writers inspire people, who, in turn, inspire others. Your essay, Lunch in April, is worthy of wider dissemination.

  10. Irving says:

    A really wrenching and also touching story, dear Sister. Thank you for posting it. My prayers go out to Robert and to you and your daughter and your families.

    Ya Haqq!

  11. turgayevren says:

    A touching story that appeals to our conscience which is often covered by the dust of every day life.

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